so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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