dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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