I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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