the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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