Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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