i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
