As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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