wrigley field is MILF paradise
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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