Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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