this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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