we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
