Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
