just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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