I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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