i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
