im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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