She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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