now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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