New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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