living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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