matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
