there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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