Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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