i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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