Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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