i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
