I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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