I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
