are you still at the devil's house?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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