It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
