So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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