Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
