We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
