i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
