its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
