Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
