Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
