I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
