whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
