Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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