I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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