No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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