That's when you crack a 10am beer
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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