Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Every concussion has its silver lining
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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