U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
