I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
