i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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