And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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