I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
