Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize