about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
