I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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