Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
