just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
