There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
