went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
