great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
