Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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