I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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