i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
