Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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