we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
