More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
