can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
